13-Sep-08 continued

Later

Okay. I’ve calmed down a bit about the “J” issue. Partly, because today was a really great day. Our professor who is guiding our research is really smart and so knowledgeable. The other students seem okay. I’m excited to get to know them better.

And this is why I think J is making those comments about women and distancing himself from me: (And this is just what I think. I may not be right. I don’t know. But--) I think he’s having a hard time finding his place here, too. He was mistaken for a black American man by one of our colleagues and I think that really upset him. He’s trying to make sure he’s defined in peoples' minds as an African man and not as an American, like me. So he’s trying to distance himself from me. That’s what I think is going on. But what do I know?

I’m sure I’m not showing the best side of myself, either, because I’m shy & nervous about rediscovering a sense of equilibrium and I really want people to like & respect me and not hurt me.

It wasn’t nice of me to stomp into my room two nights ago, and it wasn’t nice of J to leave without me in the morning, so maybe we’re even.